ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You need a sexual gate keeper
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
