how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
