Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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