Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
