I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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