They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
