Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
