Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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