saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize