you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize