real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
