Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize