Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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