She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
