i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
