Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
