oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
