I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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