The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
