A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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