i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
