Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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