Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
