Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
