There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I am available for nakedness
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