OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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