I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
