i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
