I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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