did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
