so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
