Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
