Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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