yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I have tasted many bathrooms
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
