Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
