I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
