ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
as a side note pls kill me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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