I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
do nipples grow back?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
