i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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