So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
