I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
