she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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