Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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