based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
