You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize