we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
