i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
