I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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