You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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