Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
