I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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