Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize