i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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