somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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