I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
