Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
a search helicopter?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
