I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
