I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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