She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
