Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
