remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
