I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ladies don't puke and tell
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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