I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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