Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if only i could text you this smell
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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