i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Michael Bay diarrhea
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize