Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
PANTIES FOUND
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