I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
