the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize