I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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